I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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