I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
