The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
