it was like his penis was on wheels.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
