You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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