That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
