Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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