i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
