I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the day after is always just damage control
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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