Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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