Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
