Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
