4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
