I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize