I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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