wat bout pragnant strippers??
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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