I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
