Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Pants are for mortals
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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