Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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