i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
