Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
