She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
