And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
