If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
