yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
