chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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