so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
please come you make the beer taste better
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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