I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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