She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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