I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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