We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
