Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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