She said her name was "party"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
