Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
