Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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