dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
