Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
