ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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