Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
