At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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