All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
