In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
