i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
