hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
