Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
