I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
