I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
