There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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