so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
