hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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