I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
