A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
