D3 body, D1 cock
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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