It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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