dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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