in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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