someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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