She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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