I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
