somebody snuck up and got me drunk
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
