she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
